Saturday, December 17, 2016

The Train Jumped Off the Track

What happens when your train is chug, chug, chugging down the track and then suddenly it DERAILS?. Like life is going GREAT. Things seems to be falling into place. You have less stress to stress eat about. Life is going GOOD. Then the track disappears. Like the train just starts speeding out of control. You hit a brick wall and you are spiraling. Like spiraling out of control.

So, for an emotional eater that is the worse. 20 pounds in 12 months, is what I have gained since BOTH of my parents died within 9 months of each other. I'm like SHIT.. Really. There goes those size 10s. Like how does THAT happen. I knew the weight would come. I knew I would bury my pain in junk. But, I couldn't stop it. There is no way to prepare for grief. You have to let it do it's thing and even the most thought out plan for dealing with it seems to fail. So, I tried to deal with it, sometimes successful, sometimes NOT. It's hard, it's painful, and sometimes there's no comfort. I have been digging myself out of this avalanche of pain. I am nowhere near the top, but I can feel a breakthrough. I am trying my best to eliminate the junk, I am finally back on the pavement somewhat consistently, and I am talking myself out of that SECOND piece of mess I don't even really want.  I lost my voice, when I loss my mommy. Her passing shook me to my core. I thought, " I should have done more, what more could I have done".  I lost my security when I loss my daddy. For some reason, I never saw him as ever going to die; he blind sided me. I wasn't prepared. I wasn't ready.  Over these past 12 months, I have gained a different relationship with God. It's different when you are talking to HIM late in the midnight hour. You can hear HIM speak to you. If you listen reallllllyyy closely, you hear HIM answering all your questions.
Like when I asked..

  • "Why did you take my mommy"... HE said.. She was tired. She was ready, and it was HER time. She answered when I called. She is fully RESTORED with ME.
  •  "Why Me??"... HE said, Why NOT you. Don't you know there is PURPOSE in your pain. I have a plan for you. You will walk in your PURPOSE. Have you forgotten MY promises??
  • "I can't do it. I can't take any more". HE reminded me that.. HIS Grace is sufficient.
Here are a few things that I have learned through my season of loss, love, and joy....
  1. HIS Grace is Sufficient
  2. HIS Grace is Sufficient
  3. HIS Love is Everlasting
  4. HIS Mercy has no end
  5. When I am WEAK, HE carries Me
  6. Somebody prayed for me. Somebody interceded on my behalf because there were so many times that I couldn't do it for myself.
  7. You get through, how you get through. There is no beginning and no end, it just goes on. It eases, but it doesn't go away.  
  8. You HAVE to get back on the train.
  9. IF you look past the clouds, you can see the sun.
  10. If you ASK, you shall RECEIVE
  11. HE will send you WHAT you need, WHEN you need it. 
  12. HE Knows. HE knows what you're going through and HE cares. 
  13. It is OK to feel confused. 
  14. HE KNOWS
  15. Just a Closer Walk with THEE..
So, I look forward to 2017. I look forward to the NEW season. I am optimistic that 2017, will be the BEST Year EVER...

Friday, March 13, 2015

Playing With The Hand You're Dealt

During the Metro Atlanta Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc founders day luncheon, our National President talked about "Playing with the hand you are dealt." Since that time I have been thinking a lot about the "Hand" that I have. What to do with it? HMMMM, Can't throw it back, I'd never renig, I dare not get SET, and this is the longest damn game EVER...

Like what can I do with this sucky hand? The last hand was better. Does my partner have a better hand? Do my opponents have a better hand? Staring at this hand, trying to figure out what to throw out and what to pick up. Damn this hand sucks. GEEESH.. 

Looking over my sucky hand of 2014, these are the lessons I learned.....

  • If you fall off the horse, get back on- Quitters never win and Winners never Quit!
  • Can't turn around- Don't turn around. Only look back to see how far you have come.
  • Sometime love is NOT enough- Sometimes you can't love the hurt away
  • GOD is ALWAYS Enough-God IS...........
  • If at first you don't succeed, Keep on TRYING- It will be hard, but you must keep trying. You can't give up

  • Count your blessings- Don't think about what you don't have, look at what you DO have
  • Learn the lesson- Pay attention
  • You have to trust-Trust in HIS word. HE is faithful
  • Believe in YOURSELF- HE doesn't make MISTAKES
  • Suck it up buttercup!!!- It just IS
  • Keep an OPEN mind- Stay open to the possibility 
  • Life is HARD- It just IS

  • God is ALWAYS trying to tell you something- Listen closely
  • Don't EAT the Cake- You'll regret it in the morning. You can't drown your sorrows in chocolate cake ( I know I am not the only one that does that...LOL).

Once you learn how to play your hand, you can WIN. You have to take time to think it through, study your opponents, consider the possibilities, know when to keep quit, know how to shake things up , . Don't sabotage your healthy journey because you got a bad hand. Sometimes you play the wrong card, that's OK.. Just have a plan to recover. 

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Who U Wit???

You can't keep doing the same thing and expect to get different results. You can't keep hanging with the same folks and expect to be able to change your bad habits, UNLESS they support your journey, respect your struggle, and try to help you realize your fullest potential.

On this journey it is so important to have the right people in your corner. You need to surround yourself by people who are happy for you when you achieve a goal, you push you to be better, you remind you that you SAID you were going to do ____. You need to surround yourself with people who motivate you; even if they are not trying to lose weight or make any changes.

If you need motivation to stay committed, make sure you are around people who can motivate you. People who support your dream.  You don't want to hang around people that sabotage your journey. They don't have to be on it with you, literally, but they should support your efforts. 

I like people, so I surround myself with good people, who have good energy. Loving, caring, and supportive. I have drug my friends on all kinds of crazy adventures. And now that I am a kind of sort of runner, They have let me drag them along. Not all of my friends are runners or exercisers, but they are always willing to take a good road trip. Me and my running friends have done some crazy races. We have had some great, BIG fun after the races too. Our motto: Run, Eat, Drink...LOL

I won't say that I would not have done the races alone because I probably would, but it is much more fun with friends. Whether they run with me or just give a word of encouragement, I am grateful. From my sister who cooks the meals that I SHOULD eat, to my friends that remind me of what I SAID I was NOT going to eating, to the people that say they are inspired by my journey. The trainers, the facebook friends, the BGR sister, my sorority sisters, and church friends have all been encouraging to me. Those that said I KNEW you could do it, to those who didn't THINK that I COULD or WOULD, have all been my motivation. 

People like Crystal H. who always says, "you can do that with NO problem", especially when I am in doubt. People like my sister, Michelle D. who says, go ahead I'll pick up Destiny- so that I can run or go on a running trip. People like Vicki T. who says, " I ain't running, but I'll take the road trip". My niece who looks for me CUTE running gear and usually makes sure I have all my stuff together the night before a race. My friend Michelle T. who has started calling me "Foxy Brown"...LOL and I love it. My friend Michelle S. who we run together almost EVERY weekend. My trainer Nancy S.(Bfit Athletics), who gives you that gentle nudge to work a little harder. Altavese D. who helped me successfully navigate through Weight Watchers, as our coach and still inspires me today. Her commitment is phenomenal.  The laughs, the hugs, the cheers, all have served to keep me pumped. I can't even name all the people who hold me up, when I want to GIVE UP. Feeling proud is not Vain, or is it?? I really don't care because I feel PROUD each time I cross the finish line and I'm NOT the LAST one. 
I have realized that everything and everyone in your circle helps to keep you on this journey. If your circle does not motivate you, help make you better, push you to your limit, love you unconditionally, have your back always, support your dreams, tell you like it REALLY IS, then you need a new circle. 
In regards to exercise.. 
Get a group of people together who work like you (don't invite the whiners, or lazies), join a group, take a class. I don't mind doing exercise alone; sometimes I prefer to do it alone. I can go at my own pace when  I do it alone, I do my own thing. But because I really like people, I enjoy group classes too. In group classes, I have someone to laugh with, moan with, and even complain with. Find the way that you can best get things done and then JUST DO IT..

I'm shouting out my CREW. Thanking them for their encouragement, unconditional love and support. For hanging with me through the CRAZY, comforting me through the hurt. Rocking and Rolling with me, even on some CRAZY adventures....

My first Weight Watchers Group leader

My first trainer

My trainer

We RUN this Town

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

What You Gonna Do Wednesday-CHALLENGE

So today is What YOU Gonna Do Wednesday.
This fitbit consumes my life. I mean, like I almost don't even want to move, if I  am not wearing it. For 2 years I have been obsessed with getting my 10K and beyond steps in. I love it that many of my fit or trying to get fit friends have it too. Even before they created the Challenge functions, my friends and I were challenging each other daily.
The challenges help to push you to another level. always trying to bump someone down a peg or two, gives me great satisfaction. In the process of trying to beat them, I usually end up going above and beyond. So what gets you motivated? What makes you get that extra umph? It is good to challenge yourself and your fit friends. Even if you don't think you can keep up with them, it is fun to try. I was challenged by one of my fit friends today. I told her she didn't want to do that. Today is the day that I am usually able to get at least 20K steps in. She might regret challenging me this morning..LOL
There are many challenges going around. Grab your friends and CHALLENGE them. You can start today on What YOU Gonna Do (for me) Wednesday.  Your BODY wants to know. You don't have to wait until Monday or the beginning of the month. You can do it for a week or a month or more. Let's check in EVERY Wednesday with our weekly plans.
Don't challenge me because I am tired. I don't feel like doing it, and if you challenge me, then I HAVE to do it..LOL
I will however accept a NAP challenge, a stay at home all day challenge, a don't get out the bed at all challenge..LOL

                                                     What you gonna do for me Wednesday...

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Have You Reached Your Goal?

This is one crazy journey...
The other day I was thinking about setting goals for my weight loss and fitness. Heck, just a plan for my

I was talking about it with a person at the gym who, like me, was still a bit overweight. I was saying that I NEEDED to lose at LEAST another 25-30 pounds. That's the number that the doctor says I need to strive for. I know that I still have a few too many pounds. I am not at my healthiest weight, but I am not at my worse weight either. I have come a long way sure, but there is still work to be done. There is more weight loss and then there is strength training; getting stronger, physically and mentally. 

I hear a lot of women use losing their "curves" as a reason for not wanting to lose weight or more weight. I started thinking about this struggle and the excuses we make along the way. Now I am not saying that that may not be true. I don't want to offend anyone, but sometimes that just seems like a big ole EXCUSE; a cop-out, if you will. Sometimes I think it is out of fear; the fear of failing that we won't let ourselves imagine that it can be done. Like I'll say, I don't want to, won't or NEED to lose more weight because what if I CAN'T?

Getting to the next level is very hard. It's scary and requires so much more discipline and will power than I have. I want the result, but do I want to WORK, reallly WORK, for it? I can slack off now and say this is all I wanted to lose or I can keep going for the ultimate. It's a thin line. Losing your curves is a serious thing. But I think I can lose a few and try to regain them in muscle, as opposed to fat.  Are you willing to move those mountains? Are you willing to conquer your mind? Are you willing to try the things you have never tried before. I don't know if I can do it, but I do know that I have to try. Now, I might fail a few more times before I reach that "goal", or maybe the goal will keep evolving, changing, improving. I do know that I will surely FAIL without a GOAL, though. 
I don't know that I have a "goal" weight. All I really know is that I have a Health Goal. My health goal is to push myself to the limit. Try new things, be open to doing things I never imagined, get and keep my glucose and blood pressure under control. Now, if in order to do that, I need to lose the extra poundage, then I want to do that. I do want to get to the next level, do YOU?

Stop holding yourself back. Let go of the FEAR. Keep pushing on. I believe that the BEST is Yet to come. WE will get to the next level. WE just have to stay committed. Stay on the course. Fall off the horse, get back on. You know all those old sayings...