Saturday, December 17, 2016

The Train Jumped Off the Track

What happens when your train is chug, chug, chugging down the track and then suddenly it DERAILS?. Like life is going GREAT. Things seems to be falling into place. You have less stress to stress eat about. Life is going GOOD. Then the track disappears. Like the train just starts speeding out of control. You hit a brick wall and you are spiraling. Like spiraling out of control.

So, for an emotional eater that is the worse. 20 pounds in 12 months, is what I have gained since BOTH of my parents died within 9 months of each other. I'm like SHIT.. Really. There goes those size 10s. Like how does THAT happen. I knew the weight would come. I knew I would bury my pain in junk. But, I couldn't stop it. There is no way to prepare for grief. You have to let it do it's thing and even the most thought out plan for dealing with it seems to fail. So, I tried to deal with it, sometimes successful, sometimes NOT. It's hard, it's painful, and sometimes there's no comfort. I have been digging myself out of this avalanche of pain. I am nowhere near the top, but I can feel a breakthrough. I am trying my best to eliminate the junk, I am finally back on the pavement somewhat consistently, and I am talking myself out of that SECOND piece of mess I don't even really want.  I lost my voice, when I loss my mommy. Her passing shook me to my core. I thought, " I should have done more, what more could I have done".  I lost my security when I loss my daddy. For some reason, I never saw him as ever going to die; he blind sided me. I wasn't prepared. I wasn't ready.  Over these past 12 months, I have gained a different relationship with God. It's different when you are talking to HIM late in the midnight hour. You can hear HIM speak to you. If you listen reallllllyyy closely, you hear HIM answering all your questions.
Like when I asked..

  • "Why did you take my mommy"... HE said.. She was tired. She was ready, and it was HER time. She answered when I called. She is fully RESTORED with ME.
  •  "Why Me??"... HE said, Why NOT you. Don't you know there is PURPOSE in your pain. I have a plan for you. You will walk in your PURPOSE. Have you forgotten MY promises??
  • "I can't do it. I can't take any more". HE reminded me that.. HIS Grace is sufficient.
Here are a few things that I have learned through my season of loss, love, and joy....
  1. HIS Grace is Sufficient
  2. HIS Grace is Sufficient
  3. HIS Love is Everlasting
  4. HIS Mercy has no end
  5. When I am WEAK, HE carries Me
  6. Somebody prayed for me. Somebody interceded on my behalf because there were so many times that I couldn't do it for myself.
  7. You get through, how you get through. There is no beginning and no end, it just goes on. It eases, but it doesn't go away.  
  8. You HAVE to get back on the train.
  9. IF you look past the clouds, you can see the sun.
  10. If you ASK, you shall RECEIVE
  11. HE will send you WHAT you need, WHEN you need it. 
  12. HE Knows. HE knows what you're going through and HE cares. 
  13. It is OK to feel confused. 
  14. HE KNOWS
  15. Just a Closer Walk with THEE..
So, I look forward to 2017. I look forward to the NEW season. I am optimistic that 2017, will be the BEST Year EVER...

No comments:

Post a Comment