The Fat Girl Chronicles...
yep FAT!!!!
Yes I said it, FAT. Not PHAT, PHATT, but F-A-T.
I have been FAT my entire life. Always a few extra pounds. In fact, I came home from the hospital on a diet...LOL. Through the years, I have fought with the weight and it has fought BACK. I have had some wins, but some losses too. I am closer than I have ever been to getting it RIGHT.
Don't mind being a FAT girl, just not THAT fat..lol
The winter months are the worst for me. I am the hungriest in the winter. I could eat any and EVERYTHING. Couple my winter time hunger with the FAKE snow days and boy is that a disaster.
We were standing watch, looking for snow for 3 days. Running to the door, looking out the window every hour waiting on the white stuff.. No Snow.. I mean what kind of mess is that???
Being stuck inside is a slippery slope for me. I went to the store to get all my essential, HEALTHY, stuck in the house snacks. I walked all the aisles of the grocery store, just gawking at all the snack food. I finally settled on some fairly healthy items. I threw some yogurt and granola in the basket, some salad fixings, fruit, and a 7 layer dip (not considered healthy, I know).
I bought this
I ate this. I am ashamed to post the rest :-(
Weeeelllllll, what had happened was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After several hours of waiting for the snow, cleaning out my DVR, and taking a few naps, looked in the pantry. That was obviously the WRONG move. I kind of sort of deviated from the plan. I knew opening the door to the pantry was the wrong thing to do; however, I forged ahead. It started with a few pieces of chocolate. Then it was dry Apple Jacks, the I figured I would put some milk to it. The cinnamon rolls with tea (green tea. That's healthy right???), then SEVERAL spoonfuls of my FAVORITE peanut butter (this peanut butter with honey is the DEVIL). I ate a few more pieces of chocolate and then a few more. Whewwwww. My stomach hurts just thinking about it. At the end of the day, I was STUFFED.
I am always mad at myself when I do this. I am like why, oh why did I just eat all that junk. I mean there are plenty of things I could have done with my time. I could have cleared the clothes avalanche off of my bed. I could have put away my one million pairs of shoes that are in the floor. I could have worked on this blog. Here's the BIG thing I COULD have done.. I could have done any one of the many workouts my trainer sent us via text message to keep us moving.
In home WOD 50 dips 50 pushups 100 mtn climbers 3x Then 500 single unders...600 for Marvin
Wednesday WOD
Warmup 50 jumping jacks, stretch b4 and after
4 sets, 12 reps each, rest 1 minute after each set.
I'm starting with the (Wo)Man in the mirror. I'm asking her to change her ways.........
How do you start to make changes in your life? Change is good, but it is scary. It is most times difficult, and more often than not requires MORE than one try.
I like to sing, so I either make up a song or make one applicable to almost any event in my life. Running past the mirror after getting out the shower one day stopped me dead in my tracks..YIIKKKESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! "YOU need to do something", I said to myself. Life had thrown me a lot of curve balls and I felt like I was managing them pretty good..HA..LIES, LIES, LIES.
See, sometimes you got to take a long, hard look at yourself in the MIRROR. Not for the physical appearance (well that too), but so that you can see through to your soul. You have to start with the person in the mirror. Do you recognize the person in the mirror? Do you LIKE the person in the mirror? Heck, what is going on with this mirror??? this CAN'T be ME!!!
Change can happen all at once, or it can happen sloooowwwwwwlllyyyyy. You have to be willing to make changes. You have to have a plan to make this "lifestyle" change. Visualize the change happening to you. Whatever it is that you desire the change to be, see it happening.
Welcome the opportunity for self reflection. Take a long, hard, look in the mirror and envision it. No matter what it is, See it. See yourself being the BEST you be.
Without a plan, you plan to fail. So here is the plan that I TRY to follow. I like to call it the 3 Ps/Put it in the Bag.
Plan- Nothing can be by chance for me. I have to plan what I am going to eat, when I am going to eat it, and even HOW I am going to eat it. Prepare-I prepare all my meals on Sunday for the week; particularly my breakfast and lunch. I have them all prepared and packaged. Again, I can't be caught off guard. Left to my own devices, I will eat an entire building..lol #truth. Pack- Once I have prepared ALL my meals for the week, I use a little trick I learned in Weight Watchers. I am known as the "bag lady" at work. I carry so much stuff in my bag that I often look like I have just come from the grocery store...lol
When I did Weight Watchers I used to pack all my food for the day, including dinner, in a bag. When the bag is empty, I am done eating. I don't have to wonder if I can have any more snacks, etc. If I have nothing left in that bag, then I am done eating. I still do that for the most part. I put all the calories I am allowed to eat for the day in my bag. Bag is empty, then I need to go to bed to keep from eating some more..LOL
I'm a singer. I will sing almost anything. When I was a kid, I used to sing EVERY jingle, my homework, etc. I made up a song or related a song to EVERYTHING. Someone would say something and I would sing a line or two of a song that said the same thing...lol
I still do that a lot of times. Like, when I decided that something had to give and I needed to make some changes in my life. I would sing.. Before I Let Go...
Before I Let Go of these cookies for good, I'm going to eat these last 6 tonight..lol
Before I Let Go of the sausage, grits, and eggs DAILY, I will just have it today and quit tomorrow.. Before I Let Go of these negative thoughts, I will just wallow in this feeling one more day.
Before I Let Go of sitting on the couch EVERY evening, I will lay around this weekend..
I would sing it to the chocolate... You make me happy, this you can bet...LOL Just make it fit any kind of way I want..lol
It's crazy the road blocks that we put in our own way. Before I Let Go of that thing that is not good for me, I'm going to _____________. Heck, we know it's not good for us, but we hold on for some reason. Not just about food, but people, things, and bad habits too. Before I Let Go of him, I will just _______ one MORE time...lol ..LOL Whew, how many times has that happened. How many times do we sabotage our own success?
Just let it go. Release it, Remove it, Replace it. Hopefully replace it with something that helps you progress. Don't replace it with something else equally as BAD for you!
The Lenten season is upon us. Many people struggle with what to do for Lent. Most people think about what to give up, but what about what to do BETTER or MORE of. Lent is the perfect time to work on making yourself better. I personally love the Lenten season because I am reminded of just how much HE loves me. I am reminded of how HE made the ultimate sacrifice, yet I fret over whether I can not eat meat on Fridays (I'm Catholic) or whether I will be able to keep my Lenten promises.
As I have gotten older I have come to understand that Lent is about so much more than what you give up. It is about what you do MORE of for GOD. What have you done for HIM lately??? Fasting, praying, acts of service, all these things can be done for Lent. My interpretation is that Lent is to make you BETTER for God. So, if you need to lose a few extra pounds, abstaining from certain foods will help you do that. However, how about getting to the root of the cause for the few extra pounds and doing something about THAT? How about using Lent as a time for self reflection, cleansing, and reconnecting with God and your surroundings. Find your quiet place during this time. Reflect on HIS many blessings. Pray more, DO more or LESS (depending on what you need). But definitely spend MORE time with HIM this Lenten season. Do those things that you know are pleasing to GOD. Build up HIS temple...
What have you done for HIM lately?
If you are trying to make a transformation, understand that all change starts from the INSIDE. You have to dig deep down in your spirit, search your soul, commit your heart, and will your body, to do the things necessary. It requires FAITH. you have to BELIEVE that God is going to work this out for you because HE loves you and knows just what you need. I bet if you spend MORE time with HIM all those things you are trying to change or do better will get easier. This whole life is really about HIM, so why do we not realize that NOTHING happens that is not ordained and orchestrated by HIM.
Stay focused on HIM this Lenten season and you will lose those 10 pounds (either physically or mentally), you will increase your exercise, you will drink more water, eat less candy, pray more, worry less. Whatever it is that you have decided you need to do to make your temple BETTER will be accomplished. There is an old song that I like to sing that says " I woke up this morning with my mind stayyyyyeeeddd on Jesus". Do that this Lenten season. Keep your mind STAYYYEEEDDD on Jesus. It works, it really works...
Click the link below to see 40 things you can give up this Lenten season. There is one for each day. Try it and let me know how it works for you.
I have always loved this song. My mother took me to see Dream Girls when I was in the 8th grade. I remember being really excited because of the singing. I have always loved a good songstress. When this song came on, it sent chills up my spine. I literally had chills. I am not sure why, but I remember getting teary eyed. When I heard it again at the Dream Girls movie, I DID cry. It had a different meaning to me then. Now, this song speaks to me in different ways.
I am changing....
The change on the outside is obvious; however, the change on the inside is what I am most excited about and proud of. See, when you start this journey and you let the process work, you HAVE to look inward. You have to get to the root of the issues. WHY do I do what I do? You have to figure that out BEFORE you get anywhere in this process. The fitness milestones I have made, the nutritional obstacles I have conquered are not as important to me as the change on the INSIDE.
When you start to look inward, you discover YOURSELF. You realize that you have to spend more time with God, in order to make it through and not give up on yourself. You realllllyyy get familiar with God when you are 5 miles from where you started and you got to get back. You call his name a LOT. And then it happens. You start to CHANGE. You do things differently, you TRUST more fully, you realize that HE is going to do just what HE said. You feel better, you look better, you listen better, you want to BE better.
I notice the change in my interactions with people. I think I am calmer. I am able to ignore things now that I never would have before. Now, that might be maturity too, but Hey.. I'll take it. I think I have found my PEACE. I am changing....
I'll be better than I am- I'm no where near the person I know God has planned for me to be. I know this. I know there is still a lot to do, a lot to learn, a lot to uncover. I think I am ready. I face the world head on. I am changing-
You have to be ready for this change. THIS change will knock you off your feet; literally. It will make you question every thing you ever did. It will bring you to tears. It will definitely bring you to your knees. It will make you chastise yourself for those poor decisions, hate yourself for the silly things you have done or failed to do. But, it will also make you GRATEFUL. GRATEFUL that HE still gives second chances. GRATEFUL that YOU are on the receiving end of a second chance ( or 3rd chance, etc). When this change starts to happen, everything you THOUGHT you knew about yourself will be in question.
When I went in a store and went directly to the fitness clothes, I knew I had changed. When I ordered 3 pair of running shoes, instead of 3 pair of Vince Camuto pumps; Heck, I knew there was a problem...lol. Change your thinking and you will change your life. Now, that is not an original statement. I just don't remember who said it first...lol
Enjoy the ride. Expect the change. ACCEPT THE CHANGE...
When I started this journey, I was disgusted. Disgusted that I had let myself get so far out of control. Disgusted because nothing seemed to be going in the right direction for me. I started by saying that I hide a LOT behind a GOOD meal, a GOOD snack. I submerge myself in STUFF. I bet I volunteer for more than 20 things, plus I have a kid. Every night of the week I am committed to doing SOMETHING, but few of those commitments involve ME. So January 2013, I committed to ME. I had spent much of 2012 feeling stressed out and depressed. I hid it well though. Even my closest friends didn't know what I was feeling.
I like doing things. I like being busy, I like being surrounded by people, but I had to reevaluate the nature of my busyness. How was I being fulfilled. I had to focus more on ME and less on saving the WORLD. Ha!!, very much easier said than done. When that is what you are used to doing, it is hard to turn the focus on yourself. But my doctor had said the words that rocked me to my core, so I had to TRY. I changed my eating habits some. I pulled out my old Weight Watchers point system, and I committed to walking EVERY day. My doctor told me to plan for success, so I should pick a time to exercise that I knew I would be able to commit to. So, I chose LUNCH TIME. Like I NEVER give up my lunch time. I decided that I would take a 30 minute walk and then eat for 30 minutes. I mapped out a walking route and changed into my workout clothes every day and hit the pavement. Before long, I could do 2 miles in that 30 minutes. I was like WHHHAAATTTT??? Then I increased my route, tried to go faster to finish in time. Then the UNTHINKABLE happened. I said, "I wonder if I can jog to that sign?". I did it and didn't feel like my chest was going to fall out. So, walk/running became my thing.
I couldn't believe it. ME, the person that wouldn't walk to the mailbox was doing 3-4 miles EVERY day. I didn't invite co-workers because this journey is about ME. I didn't want to get dependent on other folks to do it with me because when they didn't, then I wouldn't. I would go to the locker room, change my clothes, and put on my headphones and hit the street. Then people started joining me. The company is OK, but I had to let them know from the beginning; this is about ME. If I walk too fast or too slow, that's OK, do YOU because I am doing ME. Many people join me now, but they all know, I don't wait for ya. You either ready or you not. I don't particularly like to talk either.
I like being outside. It is my uninterrupted time with GOD. I don't have to consider anyone else, but ME. I can talk to God in any manner, and say any THING I want to to HIM when I am on the pavement. I admire the beauty that HE has made and I thank HIM for HIS Grace and Mercy. Each and EVERY time I am able to use my limbs without inhibition, I am thankful.
Starting the New Year off Right
We have committed to
a half marathon in 2015.
So, get your mind right and embrace this journey. Find your THING. For now, mine is run/walking and Linedancing. I let NOTHING interfere with me getting my miles in and doing my weekly dancing. I find the opportunity. If I am waiting on my daughter, I put on my sneakers and circle the parking lot a few times. I walk to errands during lunch; the bank, the post office, to get my lunch. Find YOUR THING. Find the thing that makes you feel accomplished when you finish, challenge yourself to do more, do better, BE better. Drag some people along with you, or NOT, but get off the sofa. I have drug some wonderful friends along with me on all kinds of CRAZY walks and adventures, and we are having a ball. We challenge each other. We support each other and we do activities that we may not like, but we do it for our Sistah. Well, mostly they do it for me and I appreciate them. remember when your momma used to say, you can't hang with them because ya'll don't have the same values. Exercise and eating right is the same.
I can't hang with you, if you are not willing to help me on my journey. Plain and Simple.....
My longest run thus far.
ATL Hot Chocolate 15K
My Very first run. GA 400 4Miler.
I didn't know what I had gotten in to..lol
we did a kick ass relay
So much fun
Me and my daughter at
the Diabetes Walk
My running buddy. We have done a lot
of races together
So, Life is a Journey. Not a destination. There are no mistakes, just chances we take...
Take a chance. Take a chance on YOU. I bet you will be GLAD you did.
Ever look at yourself and wonder.. Who is THAT?? Like, really WHO-IS-THATTTT??
I look back at these pictures and wonder that. See it all started. well, heck it started at BIRTH. As a young person, I was always a few pounds overweight. I was curvy, developed, and mature looking so I don't know that I was necessarily fat. Like I never really jiggled...lol It takes a lot for me to "jiggle".
I watched my weight creep up a few pounds each year. I told myself I was still CUTE ( I mean, if I believed nothing else I THOUGHT I believed that). I got to 200, then crept past 200, then 210, then 220, then 230...YIKESSSS 230 pounds and 5'2". I have been diabetic since I was 9. I knew what the weight was doing to my chances of living a diabetes complication free life. I ate my way to hypertension, joint problems, etc. My belly was cutting off my breath when I would bend over..LOL I mean that happens to everyone, right???..LOL I was tired and out of breath a lot more than I would admit.
I walked past the mirror one day and did NOT recognize the person I saw. At that moment I realized that I had been burying every pain, hurt, and disappointment in a good meal, a good dessert, an extra snack. That same week, I went to the doctor and she said.. So, what are we doing about the weight. I said "I am trying". She said, are you REALLY?? I laughed it off and made a joke about it, but the truth was......... I really wasn't trying as hard as I could. I would start and stop a program. I would do every fad diet out, take every pill, exercise for a few weeks; everything..
My doctor said...
"STOP now or you will be DEAD real soon!!!!! I'm not sugar coating it any more." ( I thought sugar?? I wonder if the hot light sign is on at Krispy Kreme???)
That was September 2012. I decided that I had to REALLY try. I had to take control of this because I had never really FAILED at anything in my life, but weight loss. Weight loss had been my biggest failure ( well and relationships, but that's another blog...LOL).
Taking control, being responsible for my MESS. Owning MY mess. Talking the Talk AND Walking the Walk. No more excuses, no more laters, tomorrows, or my infamous one... " I don't eat a lot, not REALLY".. LIES...LOL
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In home WOD
